When peole are desperate, depressed or in trouble, they tend to become more likely to listen to 'advice' from others. This may be in the form of online articles like the one you are reading, or direct advice from friends or family. It is actually a good thing to seek the councel of others in time of trouble; thing is, not all advice listened to, should be taken. Sometimes you just have to let it go out through the other ear. If only we could sometimes stop for a moment to think of the implications of any actions we are lurred into by the so called 'advice' we receive, our reactions to them may be a lot different.
Many of them have become very cliché and stereotyped that they come out of people's mouths without them even noticing, when faced with particular situations. In my personal view, I don't see how valid they are, so I'll try to defend myself in the sections below. This article examines some of the most prominent of them. They are in no particular order. Below are some of them.
'IF HE/SHE REALLY LOVES YOU, THEY'LL COME BACK'. This typically is not bad advice, but when you look at the context in which it is usually used, you begin to notice that it sometimes doesn't apply. T ake for example the case where a girl has a problem with her boyfriend, and in typicl girl fashion, remains silent waiting for the guy to come opologize...this doesn't seem to me like the best way to go about it. My friends who are good at long-term relationships tell me that sometimes, you have your pride, regardless of who was at fault and apologize.
Also, they, and many others (both men and women) tell me that contrary to conventional wisdom, love is not always the issue or the focal point. Sometimes it's about respect, compatibility, and much more.
'FOLLOW YOUR HEART'. This, like the first advice is not intrinsically bad advice, but when used in a very general setting, it goes really wrong. Let's take for example a girl faced with the situation of choosing between two men. A she really loves, and B, she 'just' loves. The thing is, A is a lazy violent womanizer who doesn't give a damn about her feelings; and B, a nice, calm interesting and hardworking guy, and above all, he treats her with lots of respect. She is at a stage in her life where she wants to settle down, so who should she choose? Now let's be honest, if she follows her heart she would choose A, and would probably be in pain all her life, because he may never give her what she really wants, which is stability. So in this case, she should do the opposite of following her heart, which is to 'assess the facts and make a rational choice from them'.
'FORGET ABOUT THE PAST'. This to me is really bad advice. You can't and shouldn't forget about the past. It is often said, and wisely so, that the past holds the key to the future. If you forget about the past, it becomes almost impossible to prepare for the furure and you would only learn from your mistakes. There is a saying which my Form One History teacher used to say 'A foolish man learns from his mistakes, but a wise man learns from history'.
'JUST BE YOURSELF...'. This has got to be the worst piece of advice ever given or to be given. I believe that human beings should always be on a journey of self-improvement, and strive for perfection eventhough it is not possible. This piece of advice should be banned,...like really. If everyone were to just be themselves, no one would go to heaven, because 'if God loves me, he should accept me into heaven the way I am'; and no one would pass their exams, because 'if I can't succeed the way I am, then may be I wasn't meant to pass'. And so the lazy won't have any motivation to work hard because they just want to be themselves. So 'JUST BE YOURSELF' is really bad advice.
'DON'T WORRY ABOUT FAILING'. The original context of this has been lost. Failure is not bad, in fact sometimes it is meant to save people from themselves. If people don't fail, they may never know their real purpose in life. You probably shouldn't be to worried about failure, but not to the extent where you become to comfortable with it. 'Don't worry about failure' sounds to me like saying 'well, may be that's all you're good for, failure'. That doesn't sound right does it?
'IT'S JUST WHO YOU ARE, YOU CAN'T/SHOULDN'T CHANGE WHO YOU ARE! Guess what, this is second only to the 'just be yourself' advice as the second worst. Sou you are a lazy jerk, it's who you are, you can't/shouldn't change because that's who you are. You are a gossip, it's who you are, don't try to change that. You are a sexist, don't try to change...if the world had followed this piece of advice, the world would go backwards because people wouldn't try new and better things, and you probably won't be reading this article because there would be neither computers nor the internet.
You may disagree with me on many of the issues raised, I know. Just put them down on the comments section.
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